Friday, September 18, 2009


Walk through any supermarket checkout line and read the covers of the magazines.

In a magazine with a triple layer chocolate cake with white chocolate and raspberry ganache and a very thick layer of dark chocolate frosting photographed so that you can almost taste it, is an article about how to lose thirty pounds by the holidays. Feel set up for failure? You are, they sell more magazines that way.

My nephew, a very perceptive 14 year old, who got the food obsession gene from both sides of the family, pointed out that inside the fancy cooking magazines there are advertisements for quick to prepare, highly processed foods that are the antithesis of gourmet cooking. They are products in which ingredients are bought by the shipping container load, with laboratory synthesized flavorings and then overcooked in processing. Confused? Me too.

Magazines about living a purer more connected life advertising food made in factories. Is highly processed organic food an oxymoron?

Things I that leave me scratching my head:
“Franken-chicken” nuggets, with beef flavoring. Have a burger if you want beef.

Drinks that look like window cleaner. Appetizing aren’t they?

Sports drinks? If you aren’t training for a triathlon or trying to be the state champion of your chosen sport, why drink beverages that taste like chemicals? (This is a heretical statement here in Gainesville, birthplace of the most famous sports drink!)

Powdered lemonade, real lemonade has three ingredients, and has the same preparation time. Why drink flat tasting stuff made with thirty unpronounceable mystery ingredients?

Artificial strawberry anything.

Tofu hot dogs, I guess I just have a problem with a food pretending to be another type of food. I like tofu, I like hot dogs (and, yes, I know what they are made of), but tofu hot dogs are just silly and for that matter nasty tasting.

Jumbo anything (except elephants, but they don’t qualify as food for any living culture, that I know of) More of mediocre to bad food is a bad thing, isn’t it? Particularly egregious: muffins bigger than softballs with a day’s worth of calories, monster calzones, just order an unsliced pizza with quadruple everything then fold it in half…I must mention that a restaurant in town has Japanese bento meals, American style, of course, and the bigger version of any of their platters is called a Hippo Meal, now that’s honesty!!

Fellow foodies, please add to my list of stuff that just doesn’t make sense, tastes nasty or is just silly. I don’t watch television, so my list is very limited.


  1. Oh, I love it! You are SO singing my song! I read the ingredients on everything and it never fails to amaze me why anyone would buy this crap over just making the dish from scratch. Maybe if I hated to cook, and didn't care what I put into my and my loved ones bodies I could buy that stuff. Just the other day I was comparing the ingredients on a box of Jello instant chocolate pudding with those in a box of an organic, all natural box of chocolate pudding. The organic had 3 ingredients. Cocoa, corn starch, and cane sugar. Any guesses as to how many ingredients in the Jello? Any guesses as to how many I couldn't even pronounce? Why do they need 6 different artificial colors??? (Because they don't have enough cocoa in there to give it a rich, brown color. Hence the artificial flavors too.) And while the simple one sounds better, I still wonder why I couldn't just make my own. After all, I have these staples on hand and only need to add some kind of milk. I could go on, there are many more ridiculous food items out there, but I've ranted enough for now! :)

  2. I've made my pudding from scratch quite a few times in the past year. How did the marketers convince people that the boxed stuff was easier. It takes just a few seconds longer to make it from scratch and it tastes better.

    Better living through chemistry, must be it, the marketers somehow made it uncool to put real food in food.

    oh boy I feel a new post coming from that!